Surviving a Home Invasion: 5 Lessons Learned from My Experience
Maintaining eye contact was my main self preservation tactic when I was held at gunpoint in a home invasion.
But let me start from the beginning.
The year was 2014. I was in my early 20s and casually dating for the first time in my entire life. I had just exchanged phone numbers with Sam*, the cute cashier from Trader Joe's - I know, I know, they say the cashier’s are trained to flirt with customers, but the interaction seemed sincere and you only live once! We made plans to get together and within a few days, Sam and I were having a lovely evening of music, snacks, and good conversation.
We were on our second or third glass of wine when we heard a huge crash in the living room. It was alarming, but I didn’t have a sense of immediate danger … until moments later. Sam got up and left the bedroom to investigate. Time moved slower and faster all at once and my sense of training and self preservation finally kicked in. I got up quietly, grabbed my glass of wine and my backpack, and started moving swiftly into Sam’s closet. I was nearly all the way inside and concealed with my belongings when a man with a gun grabbed me by the shoulder.
“So close,” I thought.
I pleaded with him to let me go. But the plan was in motion.
He brought me to the other bedroom where I saw Sam lying face down on the ground along with his roommate, who had a broken leg and cast on, and a second gunman. It was such a tiny bedroom for so much chaos, and I remember the sense of claustrophobia and imminent danger obfuscating the room.
The entire situation lasted for less than thirty minutes but it felt like several hours. I remember one of the gunmen telling me to lie face down on the ground. This extremely vulnerable position felt like a death trap to me, so in apprehensive defiance I chose to stay in an upright lotus pose. Back straight, legs crossed, palms up, deep belly breaths, eyes locked on theirs. For a brief moment, the gun was brought up to my forehead. I was trembling on the inside, but felt like stone on the outside. When it came to light that the main objective of the gunmen was to rob the place, they got what they wanted and eventually left. No one was physically harmed although certainly mentally shaken.
There are so many different ways this kind of scenario could have gone. But I believe that two main tactics that saved my life that day, or at the very least reduced harm, were maintaining eye contact with the gunman and deescalating the situation with my words.
Martial arts movies the world over love to show and embellish classic self-defense moves. Joint locking, takedowns, gun disarming, one person against many - while in some situations, these moves can be executed practically, a lot of it is just for show.
Do I wish I could have thrown in some Jason Stathem combos, using a towel to break an elbow, snatch the gun, and put it right back in the assailant's face?! Hell yeah. Was I mentally preparing for several different scenarios in my head, continuously glancing at Sam to see if he was ready to pop up and act as well? Oh yes. But staying upright, in a lotus pose, palms up, and eyes oscillating between both gunmen's eyes was the way to go. And here I am typing this story, so I’m going to go ahead and say yes.
Here are 5 Lessons I Learned from My Experience:
Deescalate the situation: Try to deescalate a potentially dangerous situation with your words. Speak in a calm and reassuring tone, and try to empathize with the attacker. If possible, try to find common ground and establish rapport.
Maintain eye contact in an alert yet non-confronting way: Eye contact can be a powerful tool for showing confidence. Maintaining eye contact with an attacker can help to assert your presence and show that you are not intimidated.
Keep your body language confident: Your body language can convey a lot of information about your confidence and assertiveness. Stand up straight, keep your shoulders back, and avoid fidgeting or looking nervous.
Don't be a hero: While it may be tempting to try to disarm the attacker or fight back, it is important to remember that your safety is the top priority. Unless you are trained in self-defense and feel confident in your ability to defend yourself, it is best to comply with the attacker's demands.
Call for help: As soon as it is safe to do so, call the police or ask someone else to call for help. The sooner help arrives, the better the chances of a positive outcome.
In summary, if you find yourself in a situation where you feel threatened, remember to stay calm, deescalate the situation with your words, maintain eye contact, keep your body language confident, and prioritize your safety above all else.
Deep breaths,
Joelle